On My Mark –


I had a pretty good routine developing by mid-2014. I was hitting my groove with a combo of DIY household renovations, cooking, writing, exercising, and learning the guitar. I figured out that all of these things were doing far more for my health and well being than years of therapy and whatnot. Something about getting out of my head and using my hands, making something, doing something, sharing anything — this was far, far better.


Then, we went to New York City. We were stuck there for two months seeing specialists, undergoing every test known to man, surviving the ER at Mount Sinai and several days of hospitalization. And life hasn’t been remotely the same since.

Life has been hell, watching my husband’s health erode and evaporate quickly and permanently. Watching his specialists begin to not return calls. To give up. To leave. Watching his heart and spirit break. Waiting, dreading the only apparent outcome that will end this suffering.

An outcome in which the world — is one in which I have no interest.


But, we are still here. The sun still rises and I’ll be damned if it isn’t still lovely. There is still baseball. There is still good music and better friends.

There is the surprising kindness of strangers, sucker punching me with its generosity, spontaneity, and selflessness.

And there is running. There is the MDI Marathon for which I am training. I, who have a well-documented loathing of running, will run the MDI Marathon in October. It is damn hard, and the first person who did it *died* — and yet, it is also beautiful.

Life is, and I’m not the first to notice, an endurance event. There will be injuries and there will be suffering. There will be triumphs big and small. Mostly, there is putting one foot in front of the other, and persevering. And encouraging the others running the route.

So, that’s great. Yeah. Yea, me, I’m crazy enough to sign up for 26.2 miles when I’ve never run more than 6 — and that was only once. A few of my friends have run marathons, and all of them responded to my registering for MDI with

  1. good for you!
  2. no way will I ever do that again! that was effing crazy!
  3. you *must* cross-train.


I’ve started cross-training. Right now, this consists of these brutal but awesome Interval Yoga classes on YouTube by Ali Kamenova. I’m trying to maintain a streak of practicing everyday. I know myself well enough to know if I don’t do something everyday, entropy happens and I end up…. not doing it at all.



What I know is this:

If you want to help your heart and mind heal, start with your body. The mind will follow.


The past few days have not involved any hikes in our local national park. Instead, we’ve been focusing on running on the street where we live.

I’ve always hated running. It hurts. It’s hard. It’s sweaty and uncomfortable. But, Geoff and I agree that we want our daughter to participate on the cross-country team this Fall. She needs the exercise and the experience. I don’t want to ask her to do something I wouldn’t do, so….

I’ve started running. And what do you know, I’m beginning to enjoy it. Each time I run our street, I see something new and beautiful, and I find that being outside combined with the challenge of running does wonders for my state of mind.

The street we live on runs along a lake and river. There used to be a mill across the river from us, back when this was a prosperous mill town. That was a long time ago, though, and now it’s just a bigger-small town in Maine. What this means for us is that we live in an area full of gorgeous scenery — most of which is still affordable for the average Joe. A few miles away, things get pretty fancy pretty fast, but where we are, life is still real.

The Movies for Geoff I’m attaching today are ones captured just outside our door or just down the street. They’re pretty low-tech, but still neat.